Psychologist, expert at the online school of psychological professions “Psychodemiya”
“For some, even the most ordinary event is a source of pride, while others, after having made an important discovery, scold themselves for not having done it well enough. Why does this happen?
Every person is a part of society and the attitude of others is of great importance to him. But self-esteem is no less important. It is the attitude towards oneself that is formed throughout life. The place we occupy in society, our confidence and social activity depend on its level.
So what is self-esteem?
This is the totality of ideas that a person has about himself. The importance he attributes to himself as a whole and to individual aspects of his personality, activities and behavior.
There are two types of self-esteem: suitable and unsuitableThe first, in one way or another, correctly reflects the abilities and qualities of a person, gives him a real idea of himself, which corresponds to reality.
the second thing happens underestimated or overestimated. Self-esteem that is slightly above or below average is common. It barely manifests itself in human behavior and does not interfere with life and interaction with other people.
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There are times when self-esteem is far from optimal. Then it can have a negative impact on life. After all, self-esteem affects the decision-making process, relationships with others, and emotional health. Its influence on the learning process and professional development is also great. It helps to perceive one’s own success or failure, set goals, ensure relative independence of the individual, form and defend one’s own opinion.
Self-esteem has a significant impact on almost everything a person does. How he copes with difficulties and interacts with other people. Low self-esteem can paralyze a person’s desire to learn. This leads to the fact that he simply cannot concentrate on the process of acquiring knowledge. At the same time, due to high self-esteem and the internal position of “I know everything,” a person may initially lose the desire to learn new things and, therefore, to develop.
Self-esteem can seriously affect a person’s professional sphere. There may be difficulties with career growth, requests for salary increases, and relationships with colleagues.
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Where does this or that type of self-esteem come from?
The foundations are laid in childhood. How parents react to the child’s first victories and failures, how they feel about their own achievements, what values they establish. All of this is important and forms the basis of self-esteem.
School also plays an important role. Unlike parents, teachers give us our first social evaluation. This already concerns specific types of activities and objects. In adulthood, self-esteem is influenced by socioeconomic status, health, social relationships and, of course, the way we think.
The role of the environment is also important. Those who constantly receive excessive criticism from their loved ones probably have low self-esteem. If those around you accept a person as everyone else and support them in everything, they are most likely healthy.
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It happens that a child only receives praise and never hears adequate criticism, even when it is really necessary. As an adult, such a person often cannot compare his abilities with the real situation. He feels confident and admires himself, even if his results are rather mediocre.
People with high self-esteem It is often very easy to notice. They strive to be in everyone’s sight, try to dominate and take all responsibility into their own hands. At the same time, it is difficult for them to accept even constructive criticism, because they consider themselves right in everything. They may reject support and help (after all, they understand everything better) and blame others for their failures.
Surprisingly, sometimes manifestations of inflated self-esteem in behavior are an attempt to compensate. How does this work? A person with low self-esteem feels deep down that he is not good enough, does not trust his abilities and tries to present himself as exactly the opposite: skillful, self-confident, omnipotent. If he receives admiration and praise from others, for a while he will feel really valuable and important.
However, more often people with low self-esteem They do not seek everyone’s attention and appear very modest. They may depend on the opinions of others and crave their approval, be indecisive and overly cautious. At the same time, there are excessive demands on oneself, fear of failure even in the simplest matters.
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Poor self-esteem makes it difficult to stand up for personal boundaries and say “no.” As a result, people are unable to express their needs and desires. Low self-esteem is one of the factors that can lead to mental health disorders, including anxiety and depression. It gives a feeling of worthlessness and a lack of meaning in one’s existence.
If you think that it is better to have high self-esteem than low self-esteem, then this is not entirely true. The fact is that neither of them corresponds to reality. Moreover, for a person with high self-esteem, even the most enchanting success often seems incomplete, insufficient for his level. Such people often do not enjoy life, even if they have enough resources and achievements for it, because they always deserve more.
Adequate self-esteem – this is what you should strive for. It positively influences a person’s behavior, as well as his attitude towards himself and others. With healthy self-esteem, a person more accurately assesses the relationship between his needs and abilities, looks critically at himself and sets goals that he can actually achieve.
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What can you do to have healthy self-esteem?
1. Learn to objectively assess and correlate your actual capabilities, limitations, knowledge, skills and abilities with reality. For example, you want to get a new job. You study the requirements for this role, compare them with your current skills, identify areas of growth where you need to “strengthen” something, set goals and develop a plan to achieve them. This is how an employee with adequate self-esteem behaves.
Anyone whose skill level is too low will either not consider career growth at all or, after comparing their skills with the declared ones, will immediately give up. Someone with high self-esteem will often demand a position simply “because they want it.”
2. Be able to separate criticism of individual actions, results and processes from the evaluation of yourself as a whole. You can cook a tasteless soup, but this does not mean at all that you are a disgusting housewife and woman in general. Or, if today during training you, for example, could not lift the desired weight, then this does not say anything about you as a person. You are always more than individual achievements or failures.
3. Learn to give yourself feedback that takes into account all aspects of the process. Don’t just focus on the bad. Yes, it’s important to point out what didn’t work, but only to outline areas for growth.
It is equally important to pay attention to your successes, even if they are small, to your experience, even if it seems like a failure now. Emotions will pass, but skills will stay with you forever. In general, you need to work on your mistakes, but praising yourself for your efforts is no less important.
4. Treat praise from others without fanaticism. Yes, the high opinion of other people pleases and encourages… However, it is not necessary that the main goal be to strive for it. If in his life a person does only what his environment approves and this affects his attitude towards himself, self-esteem problems cannot be avoided. The one who has it really healthy, even without others, knows that he is valuable and important.
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How else to increase self-esteem?
Remember to take care of yourself and do things that bring you joy personally. We often give up small pleasures in favor of someone else’s wishes: not going to football because the wife is bored at home alone, or not making soup because the husband doesn’t like it very much. So we put our desires on the back burner, as if they were something unimportant. Will our self-esteem grow at the same time, if we don’t even consider ourselves the main hero of our lives? The question is rhetorical.
In addition, it helps to increase self-esteem by rejecting or minimizing communication with people who try to hurt or humiliate you, who point out only your defects, without noticing any advantages.
Set personal boundaries and make sure that others don’t violate them. Figure out what you like and what you don’t like. How and in what tone you are ready to continue the conversation, and what will be a red flag, after which you will get up and leave. Every time you manage to stand your ground, your attitude towards yourself will change for the better, you will begin to respect and value yourself more and more.
Setting small goals and achieving them also helps build self-esteem. And you can break down the big ones into many smaller ones and praise yourself when you complete each one. This will provide you with a source of positive emotions and motivation to keep going.
Self-esteem is a plastic phenomenon, which means that it can be adjusted. Therefore, if you regularly strive to change it, you will definitely succeed and your quality of life will be completely different.
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